cloudy sky, cloudy perceptions

i woke up this morning on a heated Korean floor, the sky streaming with dark clouds, the air fresh and brisk and dreamy. There is nothing more conducive for my dreaming self than such weather. A cacophony of art formations in the sky. A cup of hot coffee to be rained in between sips. A cigarette.

Hesse begins his book Demian with a question that goes something like this: i desired only to live in accord with my true self...why was this so difficult?

And in theme with growing up and growing older, i find myself incapable of dreaming these days without asking myself--what should i be dreaming and, especially, what are the likely consequences of my dreams? Murakami in Kafka on the Shore explores the idea that responsibility starts in our dreams, or in imagination. Perhaps this is because our dreams are both telling of our core desires, which we are responsible for, and shape who we are becoming.

This brings me to my current dillema. Do i stay in Korea, find a teaching job, save money. Do i go back to the States, give the relationship i ran away from a legitimate try, and finally embody the bohemian Spirit that i keep repressing within me.

I will save exploring these options for my next post.